First Post and a real reality check!

“You’re obese and a walking heart attack”

Harsher words hath never been spoken to a fat person. Yet whom in the thigh rubbing community actually take heed. Not enough.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been given the best news a husband can receive (on fathers day no less), that I am going to be a first time dad! I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy, jubilant and terrified at the same time. Happy and jubilant that I shall become a father and terrified that I just wont be able to keep up with him/her. Terrified that kind begets kind and I shall inturn, impart my unhealthy and unsustainable lifestyle upon my child. Terrified that I’ll be dead by 50. 

I have a major problem with food.

1. I always have.
2. I shame eat,
3. I eat in private,
4. I eat when I’m stressed.
5. I eat when I’m sad
6. I eat when I’m happy.
7. I eat when I’m bored.
8. I eat when I think no one is watching.
9. I eat when I’ve just eaten.
10. I’ll eat before meeting a friend for dinner.
11. I feel ashamed when caught snacking out of the fridge, even though I’m not 4 though as a result see 10.
12. I sneak eat,
13. I hide treats and chow down on them later.  

Every single instance of my life involves me eating…and I don’t know why.

Savoury, Sweet, Fatty. The 3 things, we has homo sapiens are geared to move toward. I just love it all.

For the last 5 weeks, I had given up Gluten. It was easier than I thought not eating bread and processed flours. As a direct result, I found that I wasn’t as gassy and feeling better because of it, simply because not eating bread or pastry had an amazing follow on effect of not eating foods surrounded in bread…Hamburgers, pastries, sausage rolls etc, however like all things I start, I let it slide and have slowly been reintroducing bread back into my diet. “Just one sandwich wont hurt”, “Just one sausage roll…OK maybe another”…dammit. I’m always starting a diet on Monday with full intension to see it through…I don’t.

What I want to do with this blog is simply for me. I want to start documenting what I’m doing and how I’m going with my weightloss. I desperately need to change me. I see ripped abs on instagram, with taglines of “you can’t out exercise a bad diet” and “eat for the body you want, not the body you have”…I read them, but I don’t hear them. It just doesn’t hit home that the harder I work at myself, the better I will be, both mentally and physically. I KNOW I should weigh 92kgs. I KNOW I shouldn’t be out of breath walking up the stairs. I KNOW I shouldn’t be chowing down on McDonalds before I get home for dinner….Yet I do…

I HATE not being able to go bungee jumping, or helicopter rides or become an Australia Post motorbike delivery man (All have strict weight limits)…What do I do about feeling down – See Point 5? 

I am so self conscious too. I hate my body so much I’ll often not look at myself in the mirror, just not to see my own disappointment.

I am addicted to crap and I need a rewire.

The hardest thing I have to do is admit I have a problem. 

My name is Doug. I weigh 176kgs (388lbs) – Thats almost twice what a normal person weighs

I’ve never admitted that to anyone and I hate that I have but I hate more what I’ve become. 

Over the next 9 months, my wife will be changing for the better. Now at 8 weeks, we’re almost going from the Embryonic stage to the Foetal stage. Baby is growing and Wifey is doing an amazing job baking this little bun.  

Over the next 9 months, I will be changing too. My goal, in the next 32 weeks is to lose 32 kgs. First things first, I am going out today to buy a set of scales to make sure I keep track. I will be posting photos of my gut, so this blog aint for the weak stomached…pardon the pun

I will be documenting my weight, measurements and exercise regime. I will find it comforting too, to add how I’m feeling. Often typing with a goal in mind is better than fixating on what to eat next.